This book took me more than a year to finish, and it was kind of frustrating; I'm not gonna lie.
Specifically, it took me about a year to slug through the first half of the book and then less than a month to read the second half. I thought about DNF'ing this book a couple of times, but each time I decided to push through it. The first half was so boring to me that I could barely push myself to read more than 2 pages at a time, and then I found it even harder to pick the book back up. Most of the time it sat on my shelf collecting dust. It was only about halfway through the book that it started getting my attention, and I felt curious and eager to read more. So, after the halfway mark, it actually became harder and harder for me to put the book down; I wanted to read more and get to the end of the story.
Specifically, it took me about a year to slug through the first half of the book and then less than a month to read the second half. I thought about DNF'ing this book a couple of times, but each time I decided to push through it. The first half was so boring to me that I could barely push myself to read more than 2 pages at a time, and then I found it even harder to pick the book back up. Most of the time it sat on my shelf collecting dust. It was only about halfway through the book that it started getting my attention, and I felt curious and eager to read more. So, after the halfway mark, it actually became harder and harder for me to put the book down; I wanted to read more and get to the end of the story.
***POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD***
The writing style is simple, easy to digest and understand; nothing fancy or extraordinary. But, honestly, I don't feel like this type of book and story needs anything more than simplicity, so I think that for this particular book/story it works.
I absolutely hated Lily's letters to Helen! For me, it was one of the worst and most annoying parts of the book. I mean, sure, people can find comfort in whatever- TV shows, celebrities, complete strangers even- but these letters, in the form of a diary/confession from a teenager to a TV persona, not only felt unrealistic but completely cringy! Sure, some of these letters were informative of Lily's past, interesting even in the events they described, and they shed light on the story, but it would have been a lot simpler and nicer if they were just in the form of a plain ol' diary.
One of the things I liked about this book - and I don't know if it was done intentionally or if it just occurred - was the fact that Ryle was never portrayed as the "good guy", the healthy choice, the right love interest. If you think about it, from the first moment he appears on the page, he's throwing things, he's being explosive, and he seems unable to control his temper. His very first appearance in the story is him being outraged, throwing a fit, and sure, his frustration could be justified, but in my opinion, an adult who can't regulate his feelings and temper to this extent and has such extreme reactions is pretty much always a red flag.
I absolutely hated Lily's letters to Helen! For me, it was one of the worst and most annoying parts of the book. I mean, sure, people can find comfort in whatever- TV shows, celebrities, complete strangers even- but these letters, in the form of a diary/confession from a teenager to a TV persona, not only felt unrealistic but completely cringy! Sure, some of these letters were informative of Lily's past, interesting even in the events they described, and they shed light on the story, but it would have been a lot simpler and nicer if they were just in the form of a plain ol' diary.
One of the things I liked about this book - and I don't know if it was done intentionally or if it just occurred - was the fact that Ryle was never portrayed as the "good guy", the healthy choice, the right love interest. If you think about it, from the first moment he appears on the page, he's throwing things, he's being explosive, and he seems unable to control his temper. His very first appearance in the story is him being outraged, throwing a fit, and sure, his frustration could be justified, but in my opinion, an adult who can't regulate his feelings and temper to this extent and has such extreme reactions is pretty much always a red flag.
Later, when Lily - and the readers - start to get to know Ryle better, when we get to see that he's actually handsome, charming, smart, and maybe even charismatic in some ways, you can still see the red flags. It's clear that he likes Lily from the beginning, but instead of trying to communicate openly, he tries to manipulate her and coerce her into something that he wants, which is clear that she doesn't want at all. Lily also tries to persuade him and pressure him into a situation that he doesn't want, but not nearly as much. So, she is wrong in insisting and not leaving early on, and in refusing to see the signs, but I guess that’s the trap with this kind of people.
Later, when each one of the "incidents" happens, it's undeniable that he is violent, and we get to see a typical image of a possessive, and abusive boyfriend. He does the thing, he regrets it, he says sorry, then goes on to do something worse, and the story goes on and on... So, by that point, there is no denying that he is bad for her and she should leave him. Sadly, this is how abusive people are in reality as well. They aren't monsters with green skin and red eyes that scare you from miles away. They are people that can charm, allure you, and make you fall in love with them, and by the time you realize that this is all fake, it's too late; you've invested too much to accept the mistake and leave, you've grown to care too much for them to stop doing so, you've grown so used to the situation that you think it's normal. And that's part of the reasons that make it so hard for victims to leave.
I thought Ryle's arc felt natural and in character. It was very convincing and realistic how he gradually revealed more of himself, and how Lily responded to him. Of course, the victim will try to deny it or find excuses and convince themselves that it was just one time and it will never happen again. So, I liked how it was written.
In stark contrast with Ryle, we see another character, a healthier one, sentimentally: Atlas. I really like the contrast between the two love interests, as well as the different effect they each have on Lily. Atlas is a stable person, always present in her heart and mind. A steady thing in Lily's life, someone that she can count on. He's a person connected only to positive feelings for her, and it's obvious that he's always trying to protect her and tries to do the best for her, even if it's not in his best interest. He seems balanced and it influences Lily too.
It will also not be out of nowhere, there will be signs like there were in this book. Which also explains why and how and how easily it is for victims of abuse to get involved with and stay with such people. Abusive violent people are not caricatures, they are just as normal looking and seemingly okay how's the next person plus they can hide things very well. Once they are true self starts showing and it is now obvious and you know know what you've gotten yourself into you are far too involved. You care too much, you feel so much, you have invested too much, you've already done so much that it is almost impossible, unthinkable even, to buck up, to get out of it. It takes an incredible amount of strength not only to admit to yourself that this relationship is going nowhere, but also to make the decision to get out of it and also to make it despite of the fear you have of what may happen to you. I loved how lily finally sees how her mother was trapped in an impossible situation and she can finally understand her and respect her and truly love her.
When I first saw the book's title, before I read it, I thought it referred to Lily and Ryle. I thought "it ends with us" referred to them, to the end of their relationship. When I read the book and realized that it was a phrase Lily said to her daughter, it was one of the reasons that made me appreciate the book more and actually give it an extra star. Because if the phrase "it ends with us" is about Lily and her daughter, then the whole story gets a whole new meaning and significance. It means that, unlike Lily and her mother - who perpetuated the cycle of violence and made Lily endure things she shouldn't have to - Lily decides to end the cycle for the sake of her daughter so that she can have a better life than her. I loved how it came full circle, and how in the end it was about her and her daughter. It was a decision she made for them both, so that Lily herself could heal and protect her daughter.
I was very pleasantly surprised by the epilogue, because I didn't expect it. I thought and hoped that Lily and Atlas would reunite and eventually end up together, but I didn't think we would get to see it in an epilogue, and that made me really happy!
I was very pleasantly surprised by the epilogue, because I didn't expect it. I thought and hoped that Lily and Atlas would reunite and eventually end up together, but I didn't think we would get to see it in an epilogue, and that made me really happy!
***END OF SPOILER SECTION***BOOK RATING***
Overall, even though I had a tough time at the beginning of the book, and didn't expect to like it or even be able to finish it, I have to say that, in the end, I quite enjoyed it. I gave it 4/5*, because even though it could have been better in some aspects, it still managed to touch my feelings and get in my heart.
I'd love to hear if you have read this book and what you thought about it. Feel free to leave a comment down below!
Thanks for reading!
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